Funny

Three Black Men – Joke

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Joke: At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at the portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble
interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He
went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual…
emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white,
patriarchal society. “In fact”, he said, “some serious critics
believe that the pink penis also reflects cultural and sociological
oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society”.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said,
“Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”

“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery”, asked the couple?

“Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,” he replied. “In
fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They’re just
three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.”

Tee Times Europe Golf – True Story from David Feherty

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Tee Times Europe Golf - True Story from David Feherty

Tee Times Europe Golf – True Story from David Feherty

Tee Times Europe Golf – True Story from David Feherty

(Contribution from Chez Carlos Golf Society member Doug S.)

David Feherty does a stand-up show that is quite spectacular.  It’s all about his life in golf, the drinking and lots of stories about life on the tour. Here’s one of his stories:

It was back in the 70s and a soon-to-be prominent golfer (Ray Floyd) was playing at Augusta for his first Masters. Back then the players could not bring their own caddies but had to use one of the locals. Floyd told the caddy master he wanted a big fellow who could handle his bag, but who also would keep quiet, no advice needed.

The caddy who was assigned Floyd said, “Hello Mr. ………..”.

Floyd said “Hello.” And followed that with, “That’s the last I want to hear from you.”

Everything went well until the 10th hole when Floyd pushed his drive into the right trees on the par 4. After surveying the scene he said out loud, “I’m going to hit a low fade out through that opening to carry and land mid green and then roll over the crest down near the hole.”

Surprisingly he pulled it off exactly and turned to his caddy and said, “How’s that?”

The caddy spoke for the first time and said, “That wasn’t your ball.”

:-)

Courtesy of: Tee Times Golf Agency – Your Best Partner in Portugal & Spain! We work, you play and have fun with peace of mind. Call us at +351 289 300 680 for any enquiry or free quote.

Sign posted at a golf club in Scotland

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Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland.

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4,STAY OUT OF THE WATER
5. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
6. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU
7.DON’T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
8.QUIET PLEASE…WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
9.DON’T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

10. WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE,
AND TEE OFF

Did I read that sign right?
In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER……. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

 

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer’s field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK).